The first way to earn respect is to be honest. This includes not only telling the truth, but keeping your word--following through with what you said you would do.
The second way is to conduct all your personal business while astride a big fucking elephant. Refer to the elephant frequently during the course of such business. For example, "Pardon me for being late, but I had to feed my elephant, Thundertrunk. Did I miss anything? Please don't be intimidated by my elephant, Thundertrunk. He only charges on command."
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Thundertrunk!!! Ha!
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